/elizzybeth

BURP: Ms. Mediocre

Not feeling wonderful at all. My biggest fear is mediocrity and a lot of what I’ve done (or, rather, haven’t done) is even less than mediocre. I take on responsibilities because I know I can handle everything that comes with each obligation and because I feel that I can bring something special to the table.

But why haven’t I brought anything substantial to the table?

I have to take everything more seriously. I feel like I’m letting people down and with that realization, I become self-destructive.

But I’m not gonna try and build up a pity-party. I gotta pull myself together because this is my shit. And I just need to womyn the fuck up. I will prove to myself, as well as my colleagues, that I took on the responsibility because I have the drive and dedication to be amazing at the job(s) I’ve been given.

No more Ms. Mediocre.

self-realizations pt. deux

I don’t deserve my friends.

I’ve talked about this before, but now that I’m back in the Bay Area for winter break… I feel even worse about the horrible job I’ve done at staying connected to my friends here.

I think I subconsciously intended (does that make sense?) to distance myself from everyone at home. I selfishly, solely concentrated on my life and goals and didn’t take the time to show my friends support for theirs. Hell, I didn’t even acknowledge that they existed for most of the time I’ve been in New York.

I was never the first one to call, text, message, comment, tweet, etc.
And even if I was contacted by someone, I rarely ever… probably never… responded.

Who the fuck am I?!

I don’t deserve to have such beautiful people in the Bay who still love me and welcome me with open arms. I haven’t been the best of friends… but I know I have the best of friends. They’re so amazing that I’m sure that whenever any of them read this… they won’t know it’s about them. I apologize to my friends for being so distant, giving so much attitude, handing you so much bullshit… and just not being there. If I were you, I would feel unloved and unappreciated and just… taken for granted. And I’m so so so so sorry.

I love you.
Even if you don’t think I do.

You can’t always believe what you hear. Remember that.